My Best Friend Is Periwinkle
November 24th, 2009 | By Ryan
My Best Friend Is Periwinkle
I want to talk a second about my life, but I can’t do that without talking about my best friend Kevin Periwinkle. His name is Kevin because he’s Native American. I think that explains itself. Now, Kevin is the kind of guy who you can rely on. I remember one time we had been
drinking and he jokingly admitted to me that he thought my girlfriend Sarah was really hot and he would have sex with her one day. Well true to his word, he had sex with my girlfriend. I discovered them stretched out across two tables, like a couple circus performers, in a move only Kevin Periwinkle could pull off.
Periwinkle is not only his last name, but it’s also the only color he wears. Now if you don’t know periwinkle it’s that color between blue and purple that you might see on a princess. To be honest, you really haven’t seen true fashion until you’ve seen a man dressed completely in periwinkle. Needless to say, he gets a lot of attention, coming mainly from small children and the gay community. Homosexual small children…complete awe.
It’s funny. We actually met at a local gym. I was working on my perfect physique, while Kevin was letting it all hang out in his periwinkle Speedo at the sauna. We traded some fitness tips and have been inseparable ever since. I’ve seen him through some rough times though. Not everyday do you see a man go to jail for peeing on a McDonald’s Playplace, while screaming obscenities about how the McRib is the most underrated sandwich of all time. Which I still believe is a valid argument.
What would my life be without my best friend? Probably better. I’d definitely sleep better at night. Less time spent in the emergency room. All around better hygiene, anyways what I’m saying is it’s great to have someone around to brag about. My best friend Kevin is known terrorist, oh what? Yours works at the Gap? Way to go, loser.
