It’s 5:04 AM, I Don’t Care
November 24th, 2009 | By Ryan
It’s 5:04 AM, I Don’t Care
It’s 5:04 AM and I do not care. I haven’t gone to bed yet. I have class in four hours. I do not care. I lie down and my mind races, racing like a really, really fast car or a turbocharged Segway, which by the way is very dangerous and very gay.
Thoughts come across my mind that I can’t mention here, as they are probably illegal in most places. I only got up to type this note and to look if we had any more chocolate donuts. To be honest, most of my thoughts centered around the donuts, but I dare not lie down again as my brain does not have sleep on its agenda right now. That and the fact I drooled on my pillow last night and to be honest I can still smell it a little. Luckily, I had drunk a case of beer before bed so there’s even a mild hint of vomit.
My sleep cycle consists of falling asleep at school and brief chloroform-induced naps that my friend helps me with. It’s kind of like in the movies, though I usually don’t wake up naked tied to a chair, usually.
How do you get to sleep? Masturbate. Duh. Go for a run? Do pushups till your tired? Been there. I’ve managed to take out two birds with one stone actually by getting really good at one-arm pushups. I don’t know if you needed to know that, but if I was to make a 25 interesting things about me list that would be on there right behind I want to be the next Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I’m not in it for the fame though, just the great pair of tits.
I can hear you already. Don’t tell me that I have insomnia or I’m too stressed or I have athlete’s foot. Fuck you. You, in you’re sweet little bed sleeping, not reading this, guess what? I peed in your bed. That’s right the bedbugs have bit and in the form of a golden yellow stream. You’re laying it now. Go ahead roll over, toss and turn, don’t worry I got both pillows. You didn’t notice because you wondered off to dreamland, snuggling into bed so happy and probably retarded. See ya in the morning, sleeping beauty.
