Does The Carpet Match The Drapes?

January 15th, 2010 | By Ryan

Does the carpet match the drapes? It’s the kind of question that will ALWAYS grab the attention of that girl you’ve been quietly stalking across the room. Sure, she noticed you and thought you were quite cute, but she had no idea you knew anything about decorating a home. Most guys don’t even know what drapes are, let alone be interested in what color she hangs from her fireplace.  Continue reading...

Finals Are Over: Going To Disney World!

December 21st, 2009 | By Ryan

Students across America have finished up finals and are celebrating their hard work over winter break. Now, When I answered that last question to my remedial English final I jumped up, threw my paper and pencil in my teacher’s face, and told the television camera, “I’m going to Disney World!”. It’s hard to believe I’m still in remedial English I know.

After the confetti tapered off, I looked around at the poor, pathetic souls still taking the exams, and I thought to myself out loud what exciting plans they must have scheduled for their winter breaks. After several racial stereotypes I was finally asked to leave.  Continue reading...

You’re Fat After Thanksgiving

December 1st, 2009 | By Ryan

Guess what fatty? Overeating on Thanksgiving left you with a bit of a mashed potato belly and your saliva still tastes like brown gravy.  Now, we need to point the finger somewhere and I’ll go ahead and point it at that third serving. Did you really need it?

For Christ sake, you’re little nephew went home hungry on Thanksgiving because someone (it was you) ate all the green bean casserole, which by the way isn’t ok to eat by the pound just because it has a vegetable in it. It’s like saying “Mmmm, these cucumbers are delicious, dipped in butter and fried.”  Continue reading...